Updated: Jul 7, 2019
Here we go again. Another birthday, another school change. A pending house move, the end of term. The changes keep coming and your anxiety goes through the roof. Who am I kidding… your anxiety is through the roof on a normal day. Now it is positively stellar.
We’ve got the usual favourites - needing to be squashed into the table, your chair rammed up as close as possible without causing asphyxiation. Then there’s the socks and shoes issue - the seam on the socks problematic, the shoes never tight enough. Complete dissociation when I leave you at school. Ceiling lights on all night. The winter coat on a boiling hot day. Refusal to have your hair brushed or tackle your teeth, all the constants in your own personal hell. But this time, there are so many, many more.
The duvet that hasn’t reached exactly to the end of the cover, leaving a small flap up near your face. Meltdown.
The bookcase that absolutely HAS to be emptied and dragged out of your room at 11pm because it is ‘taking up too much room’, only to be returned a week later when there is ‘too much space in my room’. 2 x meltdowns.
Your brother’s cereal packet, an inch too close to your arm. Meltdown.
Your sore finger, leg, head. Meltdown.
Your sticky finger, hand, arm (and yes I have seen you licking them). Meltdown.
My baby, I get it. I see what you are going through and how hard you are finding life. It isn’t easy to be the target of your sadness/despair/rage/terror. You MO is to make yourself as repellent as possible to prove beyond doubt that everyone will leave you. But I get it. I do. So through the tears and the shouting, know this. I will put the extra three Frosties in the disappointing bowl. I will shake the duvet down despite your kicking feet. I will drag the bookcase out of your room in the middle of the night. I will tone down my praise as too much will send you over the edge. I will leave your light on, go to bed when you demand that I do, hand you the wipes to get rid of the stickiness. Through gritted teeth I will do it all. Because I get it and, no matter what, we are in this together.